When life feels overwhelming: looking after ourselves and each other 

I’ve become increasingly convinced that looking after ourselves starts with honesty, kindness and small, manageable changes, writes Patrick Regan OBE, as embarks on an autumn tour of churches

Sometimes life feels like too much. The responsibilities keep coming, the news feels heavy, and our minds struggle to switch off. We can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. Even in church, it can be difficult to admit that we are struggling, especially when we think everyone else is coping.

I wrote Small Steps for Big Change because I know something of that feeling. Through my own experiences and conversations with others, I’ve become increasingly convinced that looking after ourselves starts with honesty, kindness and small, manageable changes.

Three principles run through the book: starting small, creating space and thinking differently. They can help us care for ourselves, and shape how we care for one another.


Starting small

When we feel overwhelmed, even helpful advice can become another burden. Exercise more. Sleep better. Eat well. Spend less time on your phone. We may know these things already; finding the energy to do them is another matter.

So begin with one small step. Step outside for a few minutes. Message someone you trust. Make yourself something to eat. Ask for help with one task that is weighing on you.

The question is: “What is one thing I can do today that would make life a little more manageable?”

Small steps matter because they make change feel possible. They also help us support each other. A message saying, “I’m thinking of you,” a meal dropped round, or an offer to go for a walk can mean a great deal. We don’t have to solve someone’s whole situation to make a difference.


Creating space

Many of us live with very little margin. Every gap gets filled with work, responsibilities, noise or scrolling. Yet we need space to notice what is happening inside us.

Creating space might mean protecting an evening at home, taking a proper lunch break, or allowing ourselves a few quiet minutes before reaching for our phones. Sometimes it means saying, “I haven’t got the capacity for that at the moment.”

That can be particularly difficult in church, where there are always good things to do and people who need help. But our limits deserve respect. Rest is part of being human, and our worth does not depend on how useful we are.

We can create space for others, too. Listen without rushing to offer advice. Let someone finish their story. Resist the urge to fill every silence or explain away their pain. Sometimes the most helpful thing we can say is, “That sounds really hard. I’m glad you told me.”


Thinking differently

Overwhelm can affect the way we speak to ourselves. “I should be coping better.” “I’m letting everyone down.” “Everyone else has it together.”

Thinking differently begins with noticing those thoughts and asking whether they are fair. What would we say to a friend in the same situation? Could we offer ourselves some of that same compassion?

Faith can help us remember that we are loved even when we are tired, struggling or unable to find the right words to pray. We can bring our actual lives to God, including our questions and disappointments.

As churches, we have an opportunity to reflect that love. We can become communities where people feel seen, valued and heard; where asking for support is welcomed; and where practical help and professional support are encouraged when needed.


Taking these ideas on the road

We’ll be taking these ideas around the country on the Overwhelmed Tour, with content from Small Steps for Big Change, live music from Caitlin Kelly, and space for honest conversation.

I would particularly encourage churches to get involved. This is an amazing missional opportunity to invite people who may be having a really tough time to hear something that could help them.

For me, mission is about inviting people into a safe space and allowing God to meet with them. That means a welcome without pressure, room for questions, and kindness that people can experience for themselves.

Think about who you could invite, including someone who would rarely consider coming to church. A simple invitation could open the door to connection, encouragement and hope—and help someone discover that they don’t have to carry everything alone.   

For more info about the Overwhelm tour, visit smallstepsforbigchange.co.uk 

 

Patrick Regan OBE is an author, speaker and founder of Brighter Days. His Sunday Times bestselling book, Small Steps for Big Change: A Guide Through Overwhelm, explores practical ways to navigate life’s pressures.

Caitlyn Kelly is a Northern Irish singer who will perform live during the evening.